“And I’m a healer that first needs to heal herself. I am entering a new life chapter that pushes me to look at myself in the mirror and confront my demons. Hurt is challenge and challenge is growth.”
This life path is not easy, this life’s chapter isn’t either. In fact, nothing truly great is.
But I am an eager student, a sun child; becoming more self-reliant everyday. I am learning self-respect and divine feminine honor, living my truth, excavating my passions and primal character. I learn to fall on my head, and not be ashamed, to express inner fears and not feel guilty, to know my needs and fight for them. I am learning to make peace with my childhood demons and resurrect my childhood dreams. To love my family for what they blessed me with and forgive them for what they cursed me with. I’m the oldest of my family, the big sister, the family secret’s holder, the one showing the path. I grew up with a very rational African father and a controlling but loving European mother. I couldn’t see examples of strong and authentic women around me, and didn’t really have a female role model when I was young. Growing up in 3 different cultures felt like nowhere was really home so I guess I was my own… All my family lived abroad, in Belgium and Cameroon, which was hard for me while growing up here because of lack of support system and community. But I now stand proud because I am a warrior, my one and only supporter and advocate. Well, in fact I’ve always been a warrior, I guess I just didn’t know it yet. I am learning to stand up by myself and for myself, but also for my little sister; already more confident than I was at her age, for my white mother whom I must forgive for not teaching me the strength and unapologetic-ness of black women, for my little brother; my warrior, keep your head up, for my black father; we’ve been through a lot but I see you and I love you, for all my sisters out there; mama, your growth makes me proud and also for my dear brothers.
Eclectic childhood fuels creativity, beautiful scars. Because I am born beautiful and curious, inevitably flawed, and full of shine and reflections for the world, and I have innated precious gifts that grow, deepen and strengthen everyday like sunflowers in summer solstice. I’m getting in touch with them a little more everyday just so one day I can fully offer my strength, genius and boldness to the world. I have a lot to offer. SO much.
Not all of us know what our spiritual gifts are. Often this leaves us feeling lost, empty and unsure about what our life purpose is. It’s okay, it’s a process, it takes time. The key is found in your inner child and by trusting your intuitions. My Bamileke Cameroonian grand-mother was such a source of light when I was young, and still is, even if thousand of kilometers keep us apart. She brought this humility, humanity and ancient wisdom to my teenage hood; she was and still is my root.
And I sometimes feel lonely in this quest but the irony of loneliness is that we all feel it at the same time. And I have proofs of love everyday around me. So when I dance, I smile; my heart lightens as the music caresses the back of my neck and I start to laugh, alone in my exotic world, and I tell myself that I should dance more often. Why did it take so long to find myself back?
” I am mostly a spirit with a purpose guided by ancestors “, writes one of my soul sister this day, ” I sincerely chose to love myself everyday thanks to the fact that I know that I am the reflection of goddess love and that my purpose transcends space and time. Just like yours! I was feeling sick while talking to you and I feel better now, that’s what healers do, we’re out here healing like we are pouring water. ”
And I’m a healer that first needs to heal herself. I am entering a new life chapter that pushes me to look at myself in the mirror and confront my demons. Hurt is challenge and challenge is growth.
Because I can’t forget, I have to remind myself.
Remind myself to trust the path and not forget that I’m born warrior with a torch in hand. Remember that there are higher vibrations waiting for me, for you; that the divine universal energy is looking after us.
I feel so blessed to be a woman.
So so blessed.